Friday, December 26, 2008

Sorrow On A Joyous Day...

Today was a beautiful day! I completely forgot that I have 15 year-old sister who is still very excited to wake up at 5:30 in the morning to open gifts, so just imagine how tired I am right about now! (no nap for me today) I'm coming to the age where gifts are the least of my worries, but my parents always seem so loving! I just enjoy seeing the little ones run around smiling and trying to explain their new toys to the best of their knowledge.(its so cute when they have the slightest idea, but you still nod as if they were correct) I thorughly enjoyed the day with my faimily, full of laughter, yelling, yummy food, and LOVE! I have to say that playing the Wii is one hell of game, great work out there...and a lot of laughter at my brothers bowling techniques (totally didn't match his actual moves used in a real bowling, just imagine barely swing his arm back, a weird jump foward, and forgetting to release the B button! LOL) Hilarious.

On another note, my love life seems to be coming to a great STOP! I'm here in PEACEANDLOVE, GA, he's in MI....Imagine that! Just plain Sadness. Everyday I'm wishing he was here with me or me there with him, but it just seems like its becoming even more difficult as each day passes! It's tearing me up inside. Have you ever felt like making a decision, but could barely breathe at that very thought, then actually visualizing it as reality and thinking that you probably couldn't die without your other half. Right now I'm completely riding on the fence..LOST?? Its like I wanna be here in this relationship, but is it worth my tears at night, is it worth my happiness....Am I happy?? I ask myself these questions everyday! Is there something wrong with me?? I've never felt such deep emotions for an individual ever in my LIFE and its kind of creeping me out a little! I honestly just dropped some tears right before I began writing (listening to Beyonce "Broken-hearted-Girl"--She inspires me...and makes me Cry..LOL

I guess the best advice to give to myself is to continue to ask myself these questions until I come to an exact answer. I don't want to lose a good thing because I'm feeling a certain way, because I'm not the only person in this relationship, and I know I'm not perfect. So going off solely how i feel would be wrong. Maybe we just really need to figure out where were going? Where were going to end up? Is this worth the constant arguing? "What happened to the days where were in love?"--J.Holiday I miss the old desire and passion. I really hope that we can go back to the way things were. Is this Love LOST?? How could there be sorrow on a Joyous Day?? I guess things happen, but it's up to me to make the best of the day! Until then music will be my escape from these thoughts (happy music by the way :-))

Peace & Love

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